How I Failed as a Mentee

I once got the opportunity to be mentored by a senior leader I really admired. I was excited, and in my mind: “mission accomplished”. But a few weeks in, our relationship just fizzled out. The calls got shorter, and the conversations became less frequent until they stopped completely. I was disappointed, and I felt like I had let a great opportunity slip through my fingers.

What I didn’t realize at the time is that I was the one who failed. I showed up passively, I wasn’t well prepared, or would think of topics ad hoc, at the last minute. I expected my mentor to lead the relationship, to magically know what I needed and share wisdom and experience with me. I didn’t treat their time as the valuable asset it was, and I certainly didn’t show them that I was fully committed.

What I didn’t get at the time is that “organic” mentorship requires way more effort from the mentee. You have to be the one to drive it.

The mentorships that have worked for me, the ones that have truly moved the needle in my career, were the ones where I was the CEO of the relationship. I was intentional, prepared, and focused on making it a two-way street.

𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻:
• 𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗖𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀: Talk about what you both want to get out of the relationship to make sure you’re aligned.
• 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱: Always have an agenda and specific questions. Don’t waste their time.
• 𝗕𝗲 𝗮 𝗧𝘄𝗼-𝗪𝗮𝘆 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘁: Look for ways to give back, even if it’s just by sharing a new perspective or a relevant article.
• 𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗨𝗽: Send a thank-you note, summarize your takeaways, and show how you’re applying their advice.
• 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗚𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗲: Acknowledging their guidance goes a long way.

Mentorship isn’t something that just happens. It’s a partnership that requires effort and intention.

What was one mentorship relationship that didn’t work as planned for you? What would you do differently next time?